Where Am I?

When I returned to school I had a very clear plan:

1. Get BSW degree
2. Get MSW degree
3. Get job in healthcare
4. Get Licensed
5. Get job at Dream job at UF
Health Cancer Center

There were a bunch of sub goals I set for myself as well. Like 1A. Volunteer and gain experience with Hospice. 1B. Make a name for myself in social work circles. etc..

And up to this point I have no complaints. I have met and exceeded every single goal I have set for myself. What I realized along the way though is that maybe I wasn’t dreaming big enough. With each goal I have set I have pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of which tells me I have been underselling my abilities all along.

This is a really awesome realization, don’t me wrong, but the truth is now I feel a bit lost. Lost in the right direction for sure, but lost none the less. My end goal has changed, it is much bigger than anything I would have ever allowed myself to dream of previously, which is exciting! The thing is though, I am not there yet. So what next?

I applied for a position I was recruited for and if that works out I will let it, I do not want to try to control my direction too much right now. I am in a “whatever comes let it come, whatever goes let it go” mindset right now.. With that being said I still do need to be proactive to some degree though. I plan to apply for other positions as well and then just see how things fall. But I just don’t feel pulled towards anything specific right now.

I have done so much to prepare myself for this next great leap and I have loose plans that will ensure my continued growth in whatever direction I take but I just do not feel like I can see what is ahead of me right now.

When I was making my vision board last weekend the area around my professional direction in 2017 was cloudy. Words like clarity and be clear and insight were coming up for me.

It feels a little scary and that makes sense because the mental/emotional block I am experiencing in the area of professionalism is fear of success. Fear of truly stepping into my power, my greatness. Truly allowing myself to be seen and going after what I know my true life’s purpose is.

So I guess the intention I want to put out into the universe is that of clarity. I want to make a deal, if the universe makes deals, I won’t try to control the outcome if you provide me with the clarity needed on the next part of my journey towards my ultimate dream.

Usually something feels right, even if I am afraid, and I know that is the direction I am meant to go. But right now nothing is speaking to me, I don’t even hear a whisper. Well that is a lie, a total lie in fact. I do hear a whisper, I just do not know what it means. If this whisper holds the key to the door please give me clarity so I know.