Honoring My Inner Child

One night I walked into the living room of the house I grew up in and announced to my mother that I knew what I wanted to do with my life. She turned off the TV, turned her body towards me.. I had her full-attention. I explained my business plan for the restaurant I was going to open where all the food would be free so no one would ever be hungry.

I was 10 years old, I was an idealist, and without knowing it I was taking my very first unconscious step in the direction of my future: social work.

When I think back about the girl I was (and still am in many ways) I know I have made her proud.

I know because I never got too old to pick flowers, and never too cynical to see my flowers as weeds. I know because I never gave up my dream of healing the world and never stopped believing I was capable of spreading love on that level. Proud because I took deliberate action towards creating that healing space in the world through my direction with social work. Proud because I went back and picked up all of my pieces and started my healing and vision of love with me, as it should be. I know because I feel the warmth of that little girls sunshine still beaming from my body.

I made that little girl proud. I did that.

May I walk through the rest of my days as certain in this truth as I am now. That little girl had a plan to heal the world, and I know I am making her proud.

magic

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A House Divided

It is March Madness. That means different things in our home depending on who you ask. For me it means Oh my God I am graduating in a month and everything is happening all at once! For my husband it means basket ball.

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Monday Night I was exhausted. This whole week I have been exhausted, hence all the surface level writing. Hubs came to me while I was reading in bed to inform me that my university would be playing his alma mater Wednesday night. Okay, so we’re going right? He was glad that I was already on the same page with him. Of course I was. My husband is a proud alumni, almost every t-shirt he wears has his school on it. I knew his team was not going to come to Orlando without us going to support them, so that is what we did.

Wednesday after a long day at the office we both came home, put on our blue and orange, and headed to campus for the basketball game of the year- as far as we are concerned at least.

My team won. His team was not playing well at all. I was there as an Illini fan that night though so I was rooting for his boys. I may go to my school but I have been watching his team with him for 5+ years now, I am an Illini fan first.

The game may not have gone his way but we had a good time. We walked around campus together, listened to our favorite podcast together before and after. It was a fun night, we always have a good time together.

Symbolism

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Tuesday night was the Stevie Nicks concert; by far and away best concert experience of my life. Far and away.

She was everything you expect. Her voice is unreal. Completely unreal. The whole experience was surreal.I was in the same room with one of my life long idols. The woman is a goddess. It was so good.

Aside from her voice and twirling and story telling (which was also unreal – she had stories about Tom Petty and Prince), there was so much symbolism with the images projected in the background during her show and even in her words as she talked to us.

During one song it was pixies sitting on mushrooms in the forest with rose petals blowing in the breeze. I was like rose petals and pixie dust.. Way to speak to my soul Stevie. Then during another song she was projecting the crescent moon in the background which is my moon symbol. I had a whole session around this symbol at the end of lost year. I am the crescent moon. Message #2 received. There was a lot of symbolism around light and darkness and shadows.. I have never felt so connected like this during a concert and I have been to a lot of concerts over the years.

I knew there was something kismet about the fact that I would be seeing my idol now, at this point in my life. It lines up with so much of what is happening in my life right now. She even was talking at one point about believing in your own magic even if no one else understands it. I literally was talking with my therapist about this on Sunday. Thank you Stevie for the messages, they came at just the right time.

I am really grateful for this experience. It was special. It was unlike any other musical experience I have ever had. I will never forget my magical night with the ever ethereal Stevie Nicks.

Opportunity Comes a Knocking

I got a call back yesterday for an interview. It is for a clinical position which I was excited to hear. It is with an inpatient substance program. I have done inpatient before and I have worked with clients with substance use issues. I have never worked on a program like this before though which makes this a great option for me. I want new experiences with new populations. I do not want to go where I have already been, I want to grow in a forward direction.

Right now I am playing phone tag with the agency representative who reached out to me. We will see how things go with this potential interview. I will report as things move along.