What is it Going to Take?

The question was raised this week in therapy, what will it take for me to do this work? The question was asking what do I need to do to support myself through this next phase? How is taking care of me going to look different right now while I do this?

I had an answer in that moment and we discussed it but I also knew I needed to sit with this and go deeper to answer it fully. This ties into the permission I will give myself during this time but it is different.

My initial answer to how I will support myself was my books. Reading has always been part of my self-care routine but often I use it for escape. I read fairy tales as a way to escape the occasional ugly of everyday life and balance the darkness of humanity for myself. Books will still support me in this way but right now it is bigger than that. I am open to receiving and I am seeking out the books I have been timid to read up to this point because I was not ready for their message. I am reframing that fear I have held and instead of being afraid of the message I am going to allow it to support me. I will read and feel comfort knowing that what I am experiencing has been the experience of others as well. I will find connection and community in these books.

Since the initial discussion around what it will take I have been stewing on this and realized that I had already started taking steps to set up my support for this work. I have mentioned how my boundaries will look different as I do this work and that I am giving myself permission to be with just myself when I need to without feeling the need to live up to any social expectations.. Well the boundaries I am setting go beyond just my relationships and I have been working on them for quite sometime now.

After the election I stopped watching the news, that has not changed. I am still anti-news because I have found that I feel better physically, emotionally, and mentally when I do not allow that energy in. If something big happens I will find out, otherwise I am out.
This boundary came late October and has extended past just the news now, pretty much in general with TV I am out. I have one show I watch every week otherwise the TV is off. We have moved away from watching the TV in the evening which has led to us spending more meaningful time together either doing our introvert things or playing games or just talking. It feels better so I know I am on to something here.

I have also set other media boundaries, I am once again off FB. I kind of knew this was coming. When I stopped watching the news in late October I also took a break from social media, I had a feeling that break would result in a more permanent detachment, which it has. My husband is not on FB and still manages to keep up with all the relationships he cares about from IL. If he can do long distance friendships and networking without social media, I can maintain my relationships that are not long distance without it. I went years without FB in the past and it was good, it was time to let go again. I still maintain that FB is not real and while it can be a great way to feel connected, I also think it can act as a distraction from true connection. That is my truth, it does not have to be everyone else’s.

I think the best thing I will be able to do for myself while I do this work, aside from these steps I am taking to create a calm environment, is to be honest as often as possible. Be honest with myself about how I am feeling and not push myself to do things that feel like too much and also be honest with those around me. Expectations are set based on prior behaviors, tradition, essentially the past. I am in a new place therefore I need to have new expectations for myself and I need to be honest with others about what I can handle so their expectations are managed as well. I have found when having to do this kind of thing in the past that people are actually very understanding when you give them the opportunity, we often feel so reluctant to even bring this kind of thing up though. So I will be honest with myself and others and give people a chance to support me as well by managing their expectations of me during this time.

This weekend I am doing a two day workshop that includes identifying the blocks that I have that could impede me meeting my intentions for the year as well as vision boarding what my intentions for the year are. I am glad I have had this time off to reflect and build deeper insight and just be. I think it will serve me well when life gets busy again.

time-for-me

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