The Bruising Hour

bruising-hour

The further I move along with social work and my own personal therapy the more I have begun to understand that the things going on in our lives are not as arbitrary as we would like to believe. The more in touch with my own story I become, the more I begin to see patterns I never noticed, and the more I tune in to my own patterns, the more I notice the patterns of others.

For example, when someone tells me they don’t like something I know there is a strong possibility that there is an underlying story there. My hubs does not like cinnamon. Why? Because when he was younger he was forced to make cinnamon ornaments and hated it and the smell has bothered him ever since. It might seem silly but this little thing that happened when he was a kid forever changed how he feels about this common house hold spice.

As far back as I can remember I have disliked late afternoon between roughly 3 and 4 o’clock. I never had an answer for why but then I was thinking about all of this a few weeks ago (symbols and patterns in life) and I started free writing. I realized I was playing with words and word association. Here is what I wrote..

It is the bruising hour. The peak of frustration.
3 o’clock
3:00
300
300 degrees..
Way past the boiling point, it is getting ready to blow.

Then I realized that a lot of the physical trauma my body has experienced throughout my life took place in the late afternoon.

There is a book by Bessel van der Kolk (that I admit I have not actually read yet because I do not feel ready) that apparently talks about how our bodies remember what our brains sometimes allow to stash away and try to forget. The book is called The Body Keeps the Score.

This word play I created helped me make an connection to something I did not understand and that is, my dislike for this time of day is not arbitrary. There is a very good reason in fact for why this time of day puts me in a negative mood at times, or makes me feel worn down, or even nauseous. It is because somewhere inside of me I am still holding on to the trauma that took place and this time of day is a daily reminder of those experiences.

I am not something that every preference or distaste for somethingĀ  we have in life has such deep roots, but somethings do.

Doing this work has really opened my eyes in relation to my own work but also in terms of helping current and future clients with their own. There are a lot of patterns and symbolism in our lives, if we wake up to it all we may learn a lot more about ourselves and how we experience the world around us.

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