Well the week blew by, as I half expected it would. I feel the urgency to write a bit before I leave in a few hours for soul camp. I would like to release some of what is banging around inside of me now so I can hopefully arrive at soul camp with a blank slate completely open to what will be.
I have been roaming the house for a few weeks picking up little pieces of this and that which I will bring with me. A rock from our mountain vacation last year that hubs inscripted a love note on for me, photos from childhood, a small acorn filled branch from Nana, a piece of my grandmother’s jewelry.. Things that are holding energy that feels important on this journey.
I finished packing the majority of my bags last night, this morning I have been running over my check list, and gathering what is left.
I have mixed emotions this morning about leaving. I am excited for sure so there is that underlying current of energy running through me, it feels like a child before going to Disney. I also feel an overwhelming sense of calm, like that of an old woman who has lived and seen so much that the world can no longer rattle her. With that I also feel a small vibration of anxiety in my chest above my heart but below my throat. It is just sitting there twisting around sending off sparks like a very very small live wire that has been severed and is now dancing in the street. This is not where my anxiety normally sits so I am a little surprised to feel it there but that is where it is showing up today and I am sure I will find out why at some point over the course of this weekend.
For the few remaining hours at home before I leave I plan to embrace the silence of our home, paint my nails, maybe write some more, and love on Lucy. Then it will be time to go. When I wrote that I felt a snap or spark from the anxiety sitting in my chest. She is clearly afraid, and that is okay, there is room for fear in the work I will be doing this weekend. The whole purpose of this retreat is to connect deeper with every piece of myself so all parts are welcome, there is enough space for everyone on this soul journey.