As I continue to wake up to my truth and become more connected to my soul self somethings are becoming clearer to me. Things like who I want to be as a social worker, what whole-hearted parenting will look like to me, and that the things we are afraid of are maybe exactly what we should be pursuing in life.
There are things I know that I want for myself but I am afraid. Not so afraid that my fear will stop me but afraid enough that it could delay a natural flow that already happening. I do not want to stand in my own way.
One of my fears is of owning my own practice as a therapist. I am afraid for so many reasons. I am afraid of the business end of things, I don’t know anything about owning a business, it is scary to think about. I am afraid of being on my own and not having someone there in the moment to guide me. At some point it is going to be just me and the client, I am so afraid of not being what they need, I am afraid my words or skills will fail me when put to the test. I am afraid of my own success. It may seem irrational, maybe it is, but it is also my truth in this moment. I am afraid of having the exact life that I want. I am afraid of success on that level.
I see it though. I know this is part of my path. I do not know how large of role this part will play in my overall story but I know in my heart that it is part of it.
I started the social work program with an intention and that little intention grew so much larger than I had ever dreamed possible. That intention is still growing. I am so much more than I thought I could be. Nothing has been forced, it has been difficult at times, but I have tried to allow the process to be what it is. I have spoken my truth when it felt like I needed to. I have tried to be connected and present. I have allowed myself to be real, which in my past life was a terrifying proposition that I would not have never considered.
I am meeting with my mentor in a few hours to talk about my next steps. It felt important to me to set time aside to focus on my intention moving forward. Having intention in life gives you a place to focus your energy and from there comes the growth. I have had intention in my role as a student and have experienced momentous growth. I have had intention towards self-compassion and acceptance and have felt my energy towards myself evolve. I have had intention with the way I engage with the world and I have seen the impact that intention has had on my life.
When people talk about being mindful I think a big part of that is just knowing what your intentions are and honoring them. I am grateful for this life and everything I have been given.