I Know No Fear

fear

This week I went to turn in some documents at the agency I will be interning with come August. I have not been back since my initial interview and I am happy to report this meeting was far less intimidating. In hindsight I think a big part of what rattled me the first time I was there was just the absolute newness of it all. I have zero experience with this population or this specific field. I cannot impress them with my knowledge of HIPPA or my comfort with delicate end-of-life issues, none of that really applies. All I have is my character, the social work skills I have learned, and my eagerness to learn more, is that enough?

The answer to that question after my first meeting was I don’t know! I was definitely doubting myself and my abilities. Those doubts have definitely waned a bit in the last few weeks.

I am feeling much better about myself and my skills. I am also feeling more comfortable with the idea of working with this population. This is the population I fear the most which is exactly why I chose this placement, I need to work through whatever this fear is. I really do feel like if I can do this than I can do anything as far as facing my fears. I am staring down a dragon right now and somehow I will find a way to survive.

So this meeting went well. I got a second tour which helped me become more familiar and comfortable with my surroundings. I was able to ask more questions and build a bit of rapport with my new supervisor. I also got to see the facility when it was less busy which made it way less intimidating as well.

When I got home I learned that someone who I was in undergrad with has been placed at this agency for her grad level internship as well. This news put me over the moon. I do not know this person too well, we have had classes together but never worked together. I really like her energy though and have always been interested in getting to know her better. I am so glad I will be sharing this experience with her. I could see myself making a meaningful connection with her as well as the other people I will be working alongside at the agency.

What was anxiety about my future placement has now not only dissipated but completely transformed into excitement.

I am also excited about my classes in the fall term. This is where I will be learning to work with individuals, groups, and families. I am particularly looking forward to the groups and families classes as this will be a new avenue for me the explore.

I cannot believe that in a few short weeks I will be finished with my first semester of grad school. This semester started off heavy but I have my A’s and it is finishing up easy enough. In two semesters I will have my MSW. I will be a college graduate for the second time in a year. My twenty one year old self would not know me as I am now. Gratitude is not a big enough word for the fullness my heart feels.

What fear can’t I conquer? What obstacle can’t I overcome? I am so capable, I know that now.

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