He is my Moose

he is my moose

I read this post today on HONY and I had to read it to Todd immediately. There was so much about the post that reminded me of our relationship. My husband at times tells me bedtime stories to help with my inability to fall asleep and frequent nightmares. My favorite is Beatrix Potter’s Squirrel Nutkin, but we save that one for when I am sick.

Outside of realizing that I am not the only grown woman that asks her partner for bedtime stories I also identified with the story itself.

At our wedding my father gave a speech wherein he spoke about how I make Todd laugh and loosen him up, and Todd keeps me tethered to earth otherwise I might just float off. Todd is my moose, and I am his goose. In our relationship we always talk about how I am the ideas person and he is the execution. I am the dreamer while he takes a practical approach to life. When I was reading the story of the moose and the goose to Todd I teared up on the last line because it is just so true.

To steal a lyric from one of my favorite bands, “we’re all souls just trying to connect with someone but we’re all left searching on our own.” As Tall As Lions

“He didn’t even know she was out there.” How lucky are we few who have met our moose or our goose? The whole world is looking for connection and for some of us we have had some good fortune that one day while minding our own business a goose landed on our heads and changed our lives.

I can tell you right now this is a story I will remember and I will tell my children because it is beautiful and for me it feels so true.

I have to say Todd and I had a pretty great day. With me not having class and him not having work we got to have a quiet day. We walked Lucy, played games together, cooked together, danced in the kitchen to Eric Clapton and The Eagles. At the end of the day I was reading HONY as I mentioned and I also saw a status update on FB from a social work friend that was so cute I had to share it with Todd. It was like a survey that where she asked her husband to answer questions about her. The questions lend themselves to funny/cute responses. So Todd and I ended up doing the survey with each other which led to laughter and kisses, a great way to end the day.

Here were some of Todd’s responses for me:

What is something I always say to you?
– I love you

What makes me happy?
– Funny Dances

What makes me sad?
– Everything

What was I like as a child?
– Bossy

What’s my favorite thing to do?
– Art

What do I do when you are not around?
– Art

If I become famous, what will it be for?
– Solving the World’s Problems

What am I good at?
– Empathy

What am I not good at?
– Lying

How are you and I the same?
– Our Introversion

How do I annoy you?
– You’re messy

What is your favorite thing about me?
– We Always Have a Good Time

He is my moose and we do always have a good time.

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Evening Breezes

summer breeze

Todd and I walk Lucy in the evening, it is something all three of us look forward to. This week has been exciting, to me at least, because there are baby toads at the pond we walk by. There are so many and they are about the size of fruit flies, it is so cute! I have always loved toads, and lizards, and frogs.

Everything feels so alive right now. As we speak I am watching a beautiful male cardinal hop around in the backyard. There have been butterflies fluttering around my herb garden, fish jumping in the pond near our home. Everything is active right now.

The evenings have been so pretty for so long. The breezes have been getting warmer as spring turns into summer but it still feels good to be outside at sunset.

Last night when Todd and I were walking I told him about how summer evening breezes remind me of To Kill A Mockingbird, one of my favorite books. Warm evening breezes make me think of Jem and Scout playing in the street near Boo Radley’s house, or getting into any other kind of mischief. We talked about being kids and playing outside during the summer. I spent all my time outdoors in the summer. We lived down a dirt road surrounded by oak trees, fruit trees, and fields filled with wild flowers. When the sun started to set I knew I had about a half hour before my mom would call me in for the night. I had a half hour to finally climb to the top of a tree, or pick a few more flowers, or snatch my last tangerine for the day.

Summer breezes make me think of childhood. When you are a kid that spends all your time in the trees and fields an extra hour of daylight in the summer is everything. I still feel that way. I love that now when Todd gets home we still have some day light left to take our walks. Last night we even ran through some sprinklers with Lucy on our way home. That extra hour in summer is still everything.

I love it.

Checking Off the Last Item

My time in the BSW program may have come to an end by I have one last item to check off my to-do list before the chapter is fully closed.

I found out last week that I will be involved in a poster presentation at this years local NASW conference. There had been some back and forth about whether or not this would be happening. As of two weeks ago the answer was No that it was not happening, as of one week ago it was officially confirmed that it was happening.

It is fine with me, I signed up to attend the conference anyway so those involved in the poster proposal knew I would be around to help out if needed. This is the last thing I am involved with that is related to the BSW program, I happy to be able to see it through.

I am looking forward to the conference this year, there are a lot of interesting topics being presented.

 

Getting by Without a Mirror

friend in the mirror

I read something today and it was exactly what the grounding I needed.

One who has a true friend has no need of a mirror.

Sometimes I feel off. Sometimes a little more out than in. Sometimes I feel a little lost looking in the mirror.

When I feel this way I focus on what I need to do to help myself feel more grounded. Certain smells help so I set up some oils, sometimes music, sometimes art, sometimes a conversation, or a walk in nature, sometimes meditation.. What I need may look different depending on what led me to feel this way to begin with.

Today was one of those days. I did what I needed to do for myself and even asked for help, which is something I am not always willing to do but I know can make a big difference. Todd and I talked a lot today and even though the talks were deep and philosophical it actually helped me feel tethered down.

When I read this quote this evening it spoke to me. Sometimes I feel lost but there are people I love, my favorites, that help. When I feel lost I find pieces of myself in them or am able to find myself by seeing myself how they see me.

I don’t know if everyone experiences the people they love this way but I do and I am grateful. I felt lost today and through one of the conversations I had with Todd I found myself. We were talking about judgement, social constructs, and societal norms. I was expressing my thoughts, he his, and at one point he said something about agreeing with everything I said and that it was idealistic. There I am. Right there. All day long I felt foggy but in that statement I found myself. The second he said it I felt a little less lost because for a moment I was able to see me the way he sees me. What I had said was idealistic but that is me and that is how I experience the world. I know that about myself and he reminded me of one of my truths by making the observation he did.

The quote above also made me think again about how important the people we surround ourselves with are. The people we love and hold close reflect back pieces of ourselves to us. I am thankful for those I hold close, I am thankful for the love they show me, they show me how easy I am to love and sometimes I need the reminder.

I am grateful.

 

On to the Next Thing

success

I finished up my application for my next field placement yesterday. Grad school started Monday and I almost can’t believe it. I am a grad student. In one year I will have my MSW. This is feeling pretty surreal.

I am curious to see where I will land for this internship. A few agencies have expressed an interest in me but I don’t want to try to control this experience so I am going to wait and speak with the professor in charge of placement and see what she thinks. I just want this experience to be whatever is supposed to be and I want it to teach me whatever I am supposed to learn.

I am really excited about my classes so far. On break last night I was sitting near a window watching the rain when a classmate came up and started talking with me. She is someone I had not met before, we have two classes together this semester. She was telling me about her social work journey. She told me how she was almost a psych major for undergrad but felt like a psych degree wasn’t worth anything anymore because it is so popular, personally for social work I think it is probably a good foundation but I understood what she meant. It sounds like maybe it took her some time to figure things out for herself, I can identify with that. It seems like there are many more people my own age or older in grad school and that feels good. It is nice to know I am not the only one who needed some time.

I like both of my instructors and I think the subjects are going to be really interesting. Today Todd and I have to go online and order me a copy of the DSM V, that makes me feel pretty official I have to say.

I know there is a lot to learn, I am open and ready.

You Better Have Your Advnture Pants On!

il adventure5

Sunday night Todd and I arrived home from IL. It was a fun weekend spent with family and friends. All his friends from high school and many from college were in town for his friend’s wedding so there was lots of time for games, drinks, and all sorts of other shenanigans. In this midst of all the revelry Todd and I found time for ourselves, that is what this post is about. The whole weekend was fun but my favorite part was our adventure in the woods.

It feels like the sun rises especially early in IL. I woke up at 6am Friday morning and thought it was 10. I made Todd check and recheck the clock on his phone because I was sure he had told me the time wrong. Every day we were there I woke up with the sun at 6am, it was a bit disorienting. It did allow us to get a head start on the day though. We went down stairs, spent some time talking with friends and then changed and headed out.

Friday we were revisiting my favorite IL stat park, favorite of the ones I have been to at least. I like the trail because it is natural, appearing completely untouched by man. The last time we hiked in this park it was winter and the river was frozen, IL has been having a mild spring so I was not sure what to expect. The river was most certainly alive and well when we got there. Everything was green and beautiful, I was so excited! Todd did not exactly share my enthusiasm at first.

We walked down to where the hike normally starts and realized where we needed to go was under water. There is another hiking option at a higher point away from the water but you miss a lot of the view and experience. Todd was opting for the dryer option but I was not easily deterred. I rolled up my pant legs, took off my shoes and started crossing the river. Once Todd realized that it wasn’t that cold I was able to convince him to do the same. We had so much fun. It was muddy, and wet, and more than once I came close to falling in completely while trying to balance on rocks in the middle of the river. It was my favorite kind of adventure though, just me and him and nature. Rarely did we see another person.

il adventure6

I think he was questioning things still at this point.

il adventure4

A lot of the areas we had to cross were like this and if we were lucky we might have a few rocks to jump across, many times we were just wading.

il adventure1

After we got across the first area successfully it was all down hill.

il adventure2il adventure

Traveling by Land, by Air, and by Book

my travels in books

Last year was a year of travel and adventure in many forms. We spent time in nature through beach trips and mountain vacations, we had a second honeymoon, we had date nights almost every weekend, we hiked, we swam, we did theme parks.. It was a year of experiences and I am glad I will always have these great memories from my first year of marriage.

This year is a bit different. Last year was an ideal, not every year is going to allow for that much travel and outings over all. This year I will spend almost the entire year split between full-time classes and full-time internship. The balance has been trickier. Less free time during the week means more assignments being worked on over the weekend, which of course results in less free time on the whole.

I am not one to be discouraged though. We will take our trips where we can, and make time for little adventures.

As an introverted creative type a big piece of my balance in life and attention to self-care comes from quiet time allowing my mind and spirit to wander freely. During the week when there is little time for big adventures I take small ones in the books I read. Over the course of last semester I read quite a bit and I plan to read even more this summer, as time allows of course. Yesterday I picked up The Alchemist (really excited about that one), and my intern supervisor got me Being Mortal as a thank you gift. That is where I will start. When you stuck in one place a book alleviates that feeling of stuckness and makes life feel more bearable in my experience.

There is a little travel planned for this year though. Today we leave for IL and will stay for a long weekend. This summer we will have beloved friends staying with us and then we will all stay at the beach together. We are also squeaking in a quicky trip to Silver Springs for a wedding.

Next year after graduating with my MSW we are planning a big trip to the mountains in the fall, it is nice to have something to look forward to.

I am certainly grateful good books, art supplies, and the ability to travel.. It all adds color and beauty to life.