One of the values I was raised with is the importance of family. Throughout my entire life phrases like “Family comes first” have echoed in my ears. I definitely credit having a close-knit family as playing a major role in who I turned out to be. I have always been grateful for the relationship I have with my immediate and extended family, for the most part..
You have heard the expression, “Every family has one”, it can be applied to just about anything.
Weird Uncle? “Every family has one”.
Lazy fill in the blank? “Every family has one”.
It’s a way to help the rest of the group deal with that one person in the family that is difficult or obnoxious or makes poor decisions etc. For some families it is just one person for others it might be an entire branch on the family tree. The latter is true for my family.
Although we have an entire branch that is maybe a little different there is really just one “bad” fruit in my opinion. Not everyone would agree with me either. There are certain members (one member specifically) of my family that think this person can do no wrong and that is fine, I just happen to disagree.
There is no reason to go into great detail about my grievances with this person. This post is less about the actual person and more about the struggle I have been dealing with in my heart over feeling forced to maintain what was a flimsy relationship to begin with just because this person is family.
I don’t like the idea that someone who I am offended by (and would in other circumstances have absolutely nothing to do with) I am now bound to because somewhere in our make up we share a strand of DNA. So what?! I have to maintain some forced obligatory relationship? The whole idea of an “obligatory relationship” feels wrong to me, it’s like sand paper on my soul.
Of course this doesn’t sit right with me, I am being forced to “fake it” with this person every time I see them and I do not fake anything well. Of late I have distanced myself from situations where I know this person will be present, this is not hard to do as we do not have occasion to see each other that often anyway. But now I am getting grief about how, in doing this, I am also avoiding the rest of the family (which is not my intention). This means I have no choice but to be around this person. This does not work no matter which way to you look at it. The end result, because I am unable to fake the way I feel, is that this person may end up getting some unwanted honesty.
Here is the thing about this whole screwed up situation, the ENTIRE family is feeling the same way about this person! Everyone is griping behind this individuals back. I don’t like that. I don’t want to be caught up in it.To me it is negative and counter productive. I guess the difference between me and most everyone else ( I am not the only person in my family that has trouble with faking it) is I am unable to wear a mask and sell the disguise successfully.
Honestly I really don’t care to maintain any kind of obligatory relationship with this person. This is not someone I care to associate with, this is not someone I would want my children spending time around in the future. If it were as easy as cutting the tie I would have done it a long time ago. The only issue is if I fracture off from this relationship it is something that the rest of the family would be impacted by, for right now at least. In the future I know this will be a non issue but while my grandmother is still with us we all have to play nice for her sake.
I don’t like doing things for other people’s reasons. Especially things that make me feel like on a deeper level I am going against myself by doing them. Unfortunately I think this is something I will just have to endure for the time being which is a very frustrating thought.