The daily catastrophes of Calamity Jill

Oh the messes I make. I am becoming known for them.  Two weeks in to our relationship Todd gave me the nickname Calamity Jill after the famous frontier woman Calamity Jane. (I am less of a heroine however and more of disaster, I am not sure I am doing her moniker justice.) This week I have been particularly oblivious leading to some comically embarrassing moments.

At work I was calling to confirm a patient’s appointment, when they answered the phone I started by saying, “Good afternoon, my name is Jill, I am calling from xxxxxxxx and my name is Jill.” Uh yea dummy, we got that your name is Jill! The patient just started laughing as well as the rest of the front desk behind me who over-heard the whole thing. The patient and I joked back and forth for a moment before ending the call. Good one do-do brain.

At home last night Todd brought me chocolate almond milk with a straw, my favorite after dinner snack! 2 hours later when we were getting ready for bed I noticed I managed to get chocolate milk on my shirt. Under normal circumstances this would not be unusual, you could even say it would be expected but I was drinking out of a straw! How does that happen? Upon further inspection of my stain I realize I also had my shirt on inside out. ::Slaps forehead:: Good grief. That’s not all though. Of course it’s not. While I am in the bedroom putting on a new shirt for bed I hear the death call coming out of the living room.

In our house when you hear “Baabbe” (that extra B sound is important to really get the effect) you know your dead or at least busted on something. It’s all in a joking manner.

I creep into the living room, peaking around corners trying to observe the situation without being seen. Needless to say Todd noticed a set of eyes peaking at him from the side of the kitchen doorway immediately, I am sure my giggling had nothing to do with it. There he was standing over the sink wiping down his cell phone which was covered in chocolate milk splatters. Apparently my night-shirt was not the only collateral damage from my snack explosion that evening. I still cannot explain how I am able to spray everything in a one foot radius with milk when drinking from a straw.. Just years of practice I guess.

The cherry on the top of my reckless week came while out for my run this morning. I typically run in the evenings, it gives me some quiet time to think at the end of the day and helps me unwind. Not to mention, although I get up early every morning I am not a morning person. In our house we have rules about how to deal with me in the morning.

1. I do not talk before my morning Coffee/Orange Juice
A. Do not ask me any questions during this time
B. Do not give me any instructions or important information during this time

2. No rough housing while I am still in bed trying to wake up. This includes:
A. Tickle Fights
B. Blubbing
C. Jumping on the bed
D. Fast movements of any kind in my personal space

Todd always breaks the second rule.

Morning runs are not for me. Waking up is a gradual sometimes painful process for me, no need to add additional pain to it. This morning however Todd forgot to set the alarm so we both over slept (meaning we woke up at 7:30 instead of 6) and I was not going to make it to class on time. I decided not to kill myself rushing through a shower and speeding to school and instead enjoy a quiet morning at home before work. I also decided I would get a run this morning since I work late on Thursdays and do not get to run after work usually.

So there I was having a productive start to my day, listening to Miike Snow and feeling accomplished as I jogged along the side walks of College Park when BAM! Next thing I know I am ice skating and about to eat concrete in front of one of the bungalows on my route. (I would love to know what I must have looked like to the man across the street that was walking his dog.) Once I regained my footing and somehow managed not to fly face first into the sidewalk I was able to see what the issue was. Some of the sidewalks on my route must have a layer of algae on them that, when wet, becomes incredibly slick like ice. The problem is in the mornings all the sidewalks are wet from dew and sprinkler systems so it is impossible to tell the difference between the regular sidewalk and the parts that are going to send you flying into next Tuesday. Great. I proceeded with caution. Just what I need landmines on my run. I had three other instances of less than graceful recoveries on slick sidewalks before I finally made it home.

Can’t wait to see what other predicaments I will find myself in this week. It’s like I am always telling Todd, I like to keep things interesting.


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