It’s not about being a feminist

I stumbled upon a blog post today I thought I would be interested in, I was wrong. The title had something to do with being easy to love, I was curious to hear this woman’s thoughts, so I thought. My curiosity was stifled upon reading the words, “be submissive to your husband.”

Gut reaction? Shock I guess because a full-mouthed “WHAT?!” promptly erupted out of me upon reading the words. All I could think initially was “she can’t be serious” and “there must be something I am missing here.” I could not believe this woman meant exactly what she was saying. I was considering the fact that I don’t know her blog, maybe there is a back story I am missing. That is when I noticed the word “submissive” was actually a link so I clicked on it. As I thought it took me to another posting that served to better explain her meaning of submission. Surely this woman has a different definition of the word and she is going to enlighten her readers here, I was ready for her explanation.

She started this posting explaining that in order to be submissive to your husband it does not require you to be without your own opinions and it does not make you a weak woman, Oh good – She had me worried.. Then she proceeds to talk about the importance of letting your man be head of the household even if you think he is an idiot!

I am doing my absolute best not to judge this woman because she is entitled to her opinion and beliefs as I am to mine that are clearly in contrast. If I don’t like what she is writing then I don’t have to read it but unfortunately I did. I can’t unread her words and being the kind of woman I am I have let out what is banging around inside me now.

She said most women have an issue with the idea of submission because they think they are of higher intelligence therefore better suited to run the household. If that is true I disagree with that idea as well. Am I wrong in thinking that a truly functional relationship should not be a power struggle? Is the idea of mutual respect so very outlandish? Words like compromise and team work and compassion come to mind when I think about the home I hope to create with Todd. It is about love without boundaries or conditions and reciprocal esteem for one another.

The author of the blog was right about one thing, the idea of being submissive is belittling and it makes me angry. However, my feelings on the topic she raises does just stem from the fact that I am woman who demands my free will. This is an issue that reaches beyond gender, race, religion or any other label we as humans put on one another. I do not consider myself a feminist per say, I believe in what is right for all people not just my own gender. This woman is making an argument for submission. She is encouraging free thinking women to submit to another person, to be owned and controlled by another. I wonder how women in places like Afghanistan and Pakistan who are born without freedom would feel about this woman’s ideas? I wonder how members of the Dalit Caste in India would feel  reading her words? I wonder what a girl like Malala Yousafzai who was shot in the face by the Taliban for speaking up for girl’s rights to an education in Pakistan would say to this woman and her notion that we as women should play passive roles in our lives allowing our men to rule.

The woman makes the argument for her religion, she quotes bible verses and states that submitting to your husband is in the bigger picture submitting to her Lord. Call it what you want lady. I am not drinking the cool aid. I was absolutely offended by this backwards suggestion. My disdain comes in part because it goes against what my own feelings and beliefs are but moreover I am deeply offended for the people in the world that are not born into freedom. They have never had the luxury of an opinion. The thought that a woman who clearly takes her own freedoms for granted would encourage others to so willingly throw them away.. It’s nonsense and it’s disrespectful to those who never had the option to begin with.


I feel it is important to I reiterate that this woman’s post was based on her religious beliefs and teachings, teachings that I am not personally familiar with. I do not wish to be disrespectful of her beliefs or her relationship. I just have different beliefs and a different relationship.


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