Have you ever been in a situation where you haven’t talked to someone for a while because you were both busy and then when you do finally get a chance to catch up it feels like you are being blamed for the lapse in communication?
It’s all about perspective. To this person the time not talking meant something where as maybe to you all it meant was you were really busy. It doesn’t really matter what the reality of the situation is because each person has already accepted what their own reality is based on their individual point of view.
In life it can be really difficult to stay objective in the relationships we keep. I mean how much room is there for objectivity in a personal relationship anyway? It’s a pretty subjective thing. Objectivity is key when having a difficult conversation or involved in a disagreement for sure but what about just everyday interactions? When making plans for example, we are typically thinking of ourselves first, “How does this work for my schedule?”
I think it is human nature for people to be somewhat egocentric in relationships, not even in a selfish manner, I think as people we can’t help but think about how things affect us.
Conversations I had with two different pregnant women in the last week is what led me to thinking about this.
One of them is one of my best girlfriends and the other is a coworker. They both mentioned feeling a little overwhelmed by an overbearing friend or family member who is maybe just a little over zealous about the bundle of joy. In both instances the excited friend/family member isn’t exactly respecting boundaries and although they mean no harm by it, they are just excited, it’s still uncomfortable for the mommy’s in the equation.
I understand the excitement friends and family are feeling for these two girls, I am surging with excitement for my friend who is in the hospital as we speak getting ready to deliver. And Yea, I would be thrilled to go see her and the baby at the hospital but I get that this special moment is not about what I want, it isn’t about me at all. It is about my friend.
I made it clear to her a week ago to just give me a call when she is ready for visitors and that I would not be bugging her before then. I know if it were me that is how I would want people to be.
Listening to these two stories that mirror each other in the last week just served as a reminder that in relationships and interactions with people it’s not all about the “I”. Instead of thinking about what I want, what I need, how I feel, what I think, how this impacts me etc, it is important to remember to look at the bigger picture.
Keeping perspective that is not skewed by subjectivity is crucial to being well-rounded. It is unrealistic to think we can be this way at all times in every moment of our lives but it is definitely important to take a step back every so often and realize how much of our reality is real and how much is just our perspective.