I have made mention before of how strong I score on the “F” part of my INFP personality. I have also mentioned through much work I have become better at controlling my emotions, negative especially. A few minutes ago I burst into tears at my desk because of something I saw online and while this is not uncommon for me anyone other than Todd that would have walked into the room at that moment would probably be completely befuddled by my current state.
At times I can become deeply effected by the sights, sounds, smells and other sensory details of my environment. For example, I can be driving along and everything is great. Maybe I got an A on an exam that day and was very successful by my standards at work and am on my way to meet Todd for date night. Then all of a sudden Let It Be comes on the radio and I am crying. Not sob crying but crying none the less. This song does this to me every time because of the association my brain makes with a memory that is sad. Anyone who sees this situation from the outside would be lost. “Wait, you had a great day? What’s wrong with you?” The answer is nothing. I just cannot help but be impacted. My emotions are strong and can come on without warning and there I am crying in the car.
The reason I bring this up is because today while on Pinterest looking for an Ellen Degeneres quote about compassion that I like I came across something that led me immediately to tears.
I just started crying. Poor Lennox. Even as I read this he is no longer here. Poor thing probably never even knew what was going on. I am sure some people think this is ridiculous but it is really that easy.
Yesterday when I was driving home from work I drove by a park near my house and braked as a man who looked to be in his early thirties crossed the street to the park. When he got to the side-walk I watched him put both arms in the air. I was puzzled. That was until I looked a little further down the sidewalk and saw the happiest toddler hobble-running towards his daddy, his little blue super hero cape blowing in the wind. The sheer look of jubilation on this little boys face from seeing his daddy just hit me. I just got to witness a private moment between this father and son and it meant something. As that little boy gets older I bet Daddy will never forget the special moments like that.
And this season on Project Runway (my favorite show) I cried during the finale when I Heidi announced my favorite designer had not won. I felt for him in the moment so much. He was the sweetest thing, so gentle and kind. He is the kind of person that you just want everything wonderful for. When he went back stage to see his family his mother told him how well he did and how proud she was of him and how just by being himself he made so many people fall in love with him and she was right. We, as a society, and moreover as a human race, are lucky for the gentle ones. The people who do not take, who never ask for anything and only want to give of themselves. It was impossible not to fall in love with the sweetness and the sincerity of his character.
In a previous post about my former battle with acute depression I made mention of how I have gotten a handle on my emotional outbursts but that I still cry pretty regularly but that I am OK with that because sometimes I just need to let things out. This is exactly what I am talking about. Small things like this, everyday things invoke such a strong emotional response from me I cannot control it. Furthermore it feels unnatural and wrong when I do. It is not a sad cry it is just me being effected by my environment and allowing myself to feel.