I cannot believe the night before I return to work is already upon me. I am a bit wound up in anticipation but it is not the normal new job jitters we all get, I am just excited to see everyone and be busy again. Too much time on my hands just does not work for me, I don’t like to be idle for long. I can feel my “J” already kicking in. As much as I identify with the “P” in my INFP personality it has nothing to do with who I am at work. I am structured, organized and very hard on myself to catch on fast and excel.
In my normal life (on a day where I don’t have to be anywhere) I wake up in the morning put on whatever feels right, go about my day, take a shower in the afternoon or evening, and go to bed when I am tired. I am completely unstructured and do what I feel like (with the exception of waking up at the same time everyday).
When I am working I wake up at least and hour and a half before I need to be up to allow time to get ready without rushing (this also allows for things to go wrong without potentially making me late), I already know what I am wearing and how I will do my hair as these decisions are made the night before, I make my lunch, get ready and leave for work early to allow for traffic or any other unforeseen issue that could make me late. At the end of the day I come home, do what I do in the evening, pick out my clothes for work the next day and go to bed no later than 10.
There is a stark contrast between the two and this is just a small example of the pressure I put on myself to perform. I can already feel it starting again but for the moment I don’t mind it. I know I have a lot of new information to learn in my first few weeks back, some things have changed since I have been gone. I just hate that transition period at the beginning when I have my training wheels on at a job. I like to know my role inside and out and do it the best. That is not to say I find myself competing with anyone, I compete with myself. “Oh I scheduled 20 patients today? Tomorrow I will schedule 25.” I’m not looking at anyone’s numbers and work but my own, there is only one person I want to beat. It’s neurotic, I know. But I own the fact that in this aspect of my life I am more to an extreme, I am a perfectionist. It has always been hard for me to balance at work and not be so hard on myself because I want to be my best and I am constantly trying to redefine what my best is.
I balance just fine between personal life and work, I just don’t know how to be anything other than a perfectionist while at work.
Regardless, I am excited about tomorrow and we shall see how this all goes.