There are two ideas that have always kind of rubbed me the wrong way, the belief that “everything happens for a reason” and soulmates. It isn’t even that I don’t believe in the two, I just don’t like the way they are so casually thrown around. The whole “everything happens for a reason” thing can be an absolute cop-out, an avoidance tactic of sorts. It is a way to take the responsibility off of yourself to act in a given situation because “oh well it was meant to be”. I do believe in serendipity and signs (which is probably unusual for someone who is not religious) but you will never catch me saying “everything happens for a reason”. I have had negatives experiences with people who have over used the phrase and used it in lieu of accepting responsibility for their life so it hits a nerve with me.
The soulmate strikes a sour chord in me for similar reasons. It just feels over used thus losing its powerful meaning. It’s like the word “epic”, that word has COMPLETELY lost its meaning in my opinion due to overuse and inappropriate use. Parties are very rarely “epic”, a select few may be worthy of the title. The same goes for individual’s failures. Tripping and spilling your coffee does not constitute an “epic fail”, in our house we call that Tuesday morning. The titanic was an epic fail, if you are not on the level of mass casualties and a $400,000,000 boat (by today’s standards) sitting on the bottom of the ocean I would consider another word. “Oops” comes to mind.
Back to the soulmate idea. I like it, I can get behind it. But there are two points that I don’t buy.
1. This whole idea that you have one. That is a lot of pressure to put on your life. The idea that there is only one person in the entire world that is programmed perfect to fit what you need/want. What would the actual chances be of meeting that person in your lifetime then? I think the population is somewhere around the 7 billion mark, and you really think that your one and only soul mate in this world just so happens to be that guy you met in high school. That really would make you the luckiest person on earth, wouldn’t it? Up against 7 billion to 1 odds and he just so happens to be from the same small town as you.
2. That the idea is exclusively attached to a romantic partner. I think the girls from Sex and the City had it right, a friendship is every bit as capable of having that deep meaningful connection. Don’t count out your friends. The term is soulMATE not soul-lover or soul-romantic partner. It is a connection or bond that transcends the superficial level on which many friendships exist.
I feel like in a lifetime you could encounter a countless number of people who you feel connected to at your core. A real, vulnerable, honest connection, one that makes you feel more complete as a person. I also don’t think any of this necessarily has to do with love or romance, it can, but it doesn’t have to. I had a male friend in high school who could finish my thoughts after knowing me for a very short period. We just got each other. He knew how my brain worked, or I guess I should say how my heart worked. Our friendship felt magic in a way, it just clicked. I have had a small number of people come into my life that felt like kindred spirits. It is an understanding on a deeper level that even without knowing each other’s stories you are keenly aware that some how you just know this person and there is something significant and special about the relationship. To me it has very little to do with love.
I bring this up because I made a connection with someone who I feel confident will prove to be significant in this way. We just seem to be linked. Our meeting in the first place was serendipitous and all of it just feels like it means something. It is a friend I have made in Spanish class. We have similar majors and after having a pretty in-depth talk recently we realized something felt different about this. She is very open with her feelings, like myself, so “touchy-feely” conversations don’t make her uncomfortable the way they do to some people. It was funny because we actually came to this conclusion about our meeting and getting to knowing each other being special at the same time. We were having a conversation and she had to walk away and while she was gone I was thinking to myself that I feel very comfortable with her and I feel an immediate connection and that I hope this is someone I could establish a real relationship with, rather than the fair weather friends you make over the years while in school. When she returned she said to me that she really hopes we can spend time together outside of school and remain friends after this semester because she feels a real connection with me. I told her she took the words out of my mouth. What is funny is she was worried that she was going to come off as creepy for saying it. I laughed and told her I admire vulnerability and honesty in a person and that is all that was.
I am very excited about the potential of this new-found friendship. You never know when and where the important people in your life will come in, they just arrive unannounced.