When we were driving to my parents house yesterday we were listening to Pandora, as well always do when making the long drive to their house, and I was singing along to every song I knew, as I always do because I just can’t help myself. I was mid-way on a verse from a City and Colour song when I stopped and turned to Todd, “You never sing”. He replied simply, “I know”. So I proceeded to ask him why.
I knew he liked the song too and I couldn’t understand what was stopping him from belting out the lyrics with me. He explained what stops him, and it was about what I expected. It is an introvert thing and a comfort thing. Even though none of this surprised me what I hadn’t considered was that there was still a piece of him that is not completely and utterly comfortable with me. I asked him if he sings when he is alone, “Yeah, sometimes”. It made me a little sad, like I am missing out on a part of him, a secret, special part. I have heard him belt out Foo Fighters before but he was quite intoxicated, it isn’t the same. Todd has told me so many times before how he is comfortable with me in a way that he has never been with anyone else before. I agree with him completely. We share parts of ourselves with each other that we have never shared with anyone else. Silly, intimate, vulnerable parts. They are like secrets that only we get to know about each other and I know we both love that so much.
I told him that it was fine that he does not sing and I that I didn’t want him to feel pressure. I explained that my goal for our relationship is comfort level singing though. I would like for us to be as comfortable with each other as we are when we are by ourselves. That may be an unrealistic and completely unattainable goal, but it is just a reminder that we can always be doing better. As great as things are, we could always be at comfort level singing.