I am up against something big that is causing me a bit of anxiety this morning. Well, not just this morning actually. A relationship in my life has begun to feel strained and it has come to the point where I feel I have to do something about it because I no longer feel confident it will resolve itself naturally. I abhor conflict. I am not even sure abhor is a strong enough word for how I feel about it. I mean, of course most people hate conflict, I am not alone in this. Conflict is just a part of everyday life, that I can handle and I am OK with. It is definitely an anxiety trigger for me though when it gets to this point where it no longer feels that it can be handled with a quick, easy fix.
In situations such as this I get caught between my distaste and discomfort with confrontation and my need to handle the issue directly through confrontation essentially. It’s a bit of a paradox for me. I am beyond uncomfortable with confrontation but am unable to beat around the bush if I know there is an issue that has to be handled. So I deal with things head on. I feel like it is the only way. I cannot ignore a problem, I am too worried that if I don’t catch it early it will fester and get worse.
I have been putting this one off though. I was hoping things would level off on their own and there would be no need for a talk. It’s clear to me now though that this talk is overdue and there is never going to be a good time to have it so it just has to happen.
I feel anxious because I am afraid addressing the issues directly may only make the current situation worse. I am afraid the other party involved will be in denial of the issue in which case what do I do? If I am saying we need to talk about this issue and they are saying there is no issue.. I don’t know. I am also afraid my honesty about how I feel will be hurtful which is not what I want. I own my part of the problem and am prepared to hear what this person’s feelings are towards my part, I just hope they are as open with me. I don’t know how to even begin to address the issue, when should I bring it up? When would we have the opportunity to talk uninterrupted?
I have been in this position before and have never regretted choosing to talk about an issue with someone. No matter how uncomfortable it may feel at the time, and believe me I have been in some uncomfortable situations, I once met a boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend to have one of these talks, it does not get more uncomfortable than that. You always end up feeling better on the other side though because you were honest and you tried to fix it. If things were to get worse after this conversation at least I will know I tried.
If this conversation does not help then my next course of action is to take a break from my relationship with this person and hope that things will get better after some time apart.