I met my ex for coffee tonight. We do our best to keep in touch but of course life seems to always get in the way. We text every 6 months or so just to check in and make sure the other is doing well and have managed to meet for coffee at least once a year since our break up. I wanted to see him face to face when I tell him that Todd and I are engaged, I did this with all my other friends and wanted to do the same with him. It was great to see him. He was very excited for me and had all kinds of questions. I am so thankful that we have been able to keep some level of friendship since our split.
One of the things we talked about is how much we have both grown since our relationship. With every parting of ways in a relationship there is a measure of knowledge you gain, that is the bright side to break ups. He seems so self aware now, as am I. He was asking me about Todd and what my favorite thing about him is. That’s hard. I tell Todd all the time, a few times a week before bed usually, the specific things I love about him. Last night he said something that was so significant to me..
You see over the years, from time to time, I have been told that I am too sensitive or emotional or empathetic. (Usually by someone who is deliberately being hurtful. But it is). It’s cutting to hear that. I am an INFP and lead with my feelings, this is something I love about myself. I am deeply moved by things that to others may seem ordinary. I read a quote once by Tyler Knott Gregson that had to do with being brought to tears daily by the magnificence of life and the realization of how insignificant we are in the grand scheme. I relate to this so well. Maybe not daily but certainly weekly I am moved to tears by people and places and books and situations and almost anything really. It’s not sobbing tears or emotional outbursts. It’s a tear, a glaze over my eyes, a knot in my throat. It’s just gratitude for this life and an understanding of how precious things are. Sometimes I feel.. (notice when I am expressing myself it is almost always “I feel” not “I think”).. I feel things so deeply and am so affected by everyday things I worry that no one could possibly understand what it is like.
.. So last night as we are drifting off I am telling him my gratitude for him and what I love about him and the way he is. As he is reciprocating he said to me that he loves how considerate, empathetic and sensitive I am (in his own sweet words that meant so much I don’t want to share them, I would rather keep them just for myself). It made me feel the knot and does even now as I recall it. He has told me this before, he tells me all the time. It means more to me than I am able to form into words that he not only understands this side of me but that he wholly embraces it and has fallen in love with it. I have control over my emotions and sensitivity but they are there and I allow myself to feel them. I am glad he does not ask me to edit this or any other part of myself.
This man understands me on a level few people ever have, as I do him, and I know we are lucky in this. I am thankful.