Yesterday was a bit of a fiasco. When put in situations where I see something happening that is wrong I say something. Not always immediately and it depends on the severity of the offense. A lot plays into this because it’s a risky move and it almost never ends well for me. I cannot sit back though while certain things are taking place in front of me, I feel as though I am going against myself.
Let me give a few examples of what I am talking about.
Watching a coworker get bullied by another coworker. – In this case I speak up, I have on multiple occasions when put in this situation. If I am friends with the bully I talk with them privately about it and try to stop the behavior that way. If I am friends with the “victim” than I speak out immediately while it is happening.
Being present during a moment of infidelity. – I will always say something but the key detail here is if I AM PRESENT. If someone is cheating blatantly or getting ready to and I am there I will say something but if it is just something I hear about from someone else that changes things. Word of mouth = none of my business but if I am being exposed to an action then that is a problem for me.
Abuse. – No question, I am speaking up. Verbal, physical, emotional or otherwise, it is not to be tolerated.
These are bigger examples of what I am talking about just to illustrate my point. Something to keep in mind in all of this is how subjective it can all be. When I say bullying and cheating cause me to speak out I am talking about my definition of bullying and cheating. Abuse is a little more black and white however.
Another example as a way to clarify, instances where I have opened my mouth about infidelity involved someone (a friend or the significant other of a friend) kissing someone other than their significant other. I am also not saying that I run and tell on them but I will say something to them about it.
The thing is my friends know this about me and it’s a not a concern at this point in my life because this kind of thing doesn’t happen.
Todd’s friend and I were talking about this while she stayed with us recently. She said I am a defender and am constantly running to the defense of others, she said she noticed this in me not long after she met me years ago. I don’t think about it much but I know this is an accurate assessment.
This was the case yesterday. I sat by at first while someone I love was getting a hard time but that’s not something I can do for long. I spoke up but of course it just made matters worse. It is hard because I have this inner struggle about what the right thing to do here is. If I know that by speaking up I could just make matters worse do I just not say anything and let the action continue?? Or do I take a stand the hell with the consequences? I don’t want to make things worse for the person but I cannot just sit by and watch someone I love be mistreated.
On a side note but some what related can I just say how much I detest passive aggressive behavior. Say what you mean or get over it. Snarky remarks, loud sighs, notes etc to me are a cowards way of handling an issue. If there is something to talk about, lets talk. That’s it. I will not allow myself to be pulled into that nonsense.
Anyway, things leveled off yesterday but I was certainly stirred up for a moment. I just hate being put in these kinds of situations because I do what I feel is right and then question myself for hours after.. “Did I do the right thing?” “What was my part in this?” “What is this person’s perspective that would have made them act this way in the first place?”.. It’s a lot of inner monologue and it is exhausting. Introspection can be a real pain.