I am finished with my first week of class and I am still excited, good sign. 😉 I am surprised to find economics as interesting as I do. This teacher has put such an emphasis on the social aspect of it that it keeps me intrigued. It is really nice that the themes in my classes are running parallel to each other as well. Inductive reasoning in math also explains how social scientists make generalizations about patterns in society. Whether it be economists, political scientists or sociologists. It is helping drive home the points I am learning in these classes because for four hours out of a day it repetition really. Moreover, I am just happy that for once math makes sense to me. That is such a good feeling.
Today I took a longer break than usual after class before I started my reading. I decided to watch a movie and relax a bit. My morning started off rocky, I apparently forgot to set the alarm last night and woke up at the exact time I need to leave the house to be at class on time. Booger. 😦 Todd wasn’t thrilled about my oversight either as he had a meeting at work this morning. Oops. Luckily I got to school on time with no issues.
When I got home I decided to watch Capote. I have read In Cold Blood and have always meant to get around to seeing this movie. To my surprise Harper Lee’s character is in the movie quite a bit. I loved that. To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book. It is something my Dad and I share together, he is my Atticus Finch. I could never look up to anyone as much as him and you see that in Scout’s relationship with Atticus in the book as well as the movie. For those that are not as familiar with the story, Harper Lee wrote the book around what her childhood was like and Dill’s character is actually Truman Capote. As a child he lived with his aunt next door to Harper Lee and they became lifelong friends.
What I found interesting about the movie was what Truman Capote went through to write and complete this novel. I was aware when I read the book that he interviewed Perry Smith quite a bit as well as Richard Hicock, I did not realize it took him years to write this book however.
The question I was left with after watching the movie is, Did he never write another novel because he felt that he could never do better than this or was it because of how affected he was by this story.. by Perry?
The reason this thought came to me is because part of what has always held me back from doing Social Work, which is what I truly feel I was made to do, is the fear that I will be too affected by it. My heart will ache too much, I wont be able to separate the two different parts of my life or worse.. I wont be able to give enough, do enough. At the end of the movie Truman Capote’s character is saying final goodbyes to Perry and Dick right before their executions and he says, “I did everything I could.” And you get that sick feeling in your stomach knowing that our best isn’t always good enough. Sometimes you just cant change things, you cant fix things, something bad is happening and no matter what you do you cannot control it. I guess it’s like Harper Lee said, “Real Courage is knowing your licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” Fear of Failure should never be a reason for not trying.