Constant Wanderer

Monday I start anew again. My thrill for starting new things has always made me worry that I will never find contentment in anything. I read a quote by St. Augustine last week though that warned against becoming too content for then you are no longer growing.  I have grown a good deal since I first started college and am excited to return on my own terms.

A small piece of me started to believe I would not ever make this decision. A year ago I was at dinner with Todd and he mentioned the importance of finishing and even then I was not ready to entertain the conversation.

I have known for a while that Social Work is my calling but I was afraid. I still am honestly. I think that is what motivates me the most though, my fear of failure, my fear of not being good enough, not being able to give enough. I have dealt with these anxieties my whole life and doing this, attaining this goal I want so badly.. I don’t know that it will vanquish these feelings all together but at least they will no longer be holding me back. I will never be able to make any kind of difference if I am afraid to try, and that is completely unacceptable.

I have always kept journals so putting thoughts on paper is familiar to me. Sharing these thoughts feels very foreign, however. I like the idea of allowing my friends and family to be in my head while I am on this journey. I think it will help keep me accountable. And as I am sure I will have moments of doubt along the way I will also welcome the support.

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